Part 1: Praying for Littles

Before I unpack how I pray with the littles God blessed me with, I wanted to take a step back to when I first started praying for them.

DISCLAIMER: This post will cover first-trimester miscarriage.

I started my prayer life for my littles during my first pregnancy in Summer 2020.

That first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.

I was probably the most disciplined I had ever been in reading the Word during this time. Looking back, there is no irony in those two facts: miscarrying and being the closest I have ever been to the Lord and His Word. These two facts complement each other. In fact, the Lord used me reading the Bible in chronological order as a way to give me assurance and hope that I would be vessel to birth my first earthside baby boy. But that is a story for another time…

By powering through and remaining in the Word through the trial that was a miscarriage, my prayer life was amplified even further because I knew what I was robbed of by worrying the first time around. I was not going to let the Enemy take hold of this loss. I chose by the grace of God to seek the Lord’s comfort and to surrender my womb in prayer for whatever He had planned.

I was taught right off the bat through this loss that my children are actually not ‘mine.’ They are ultimately HIS. I truly think my miscarriage taught me not to idolize the future children I was to bear. Realizing that my children are His also taught me that my first baby still exists, just not in the physical realm, but in Heaven.

Fast forward two months after the miscarriage, I was pregnant with my son. My womb was fully surrendered to the Lord. Certain search engines were not touched at this time whereas in my first pregnancy, I couldn’t stay off of them for the short time I carried my very first baby. I didn’t stay offline to ignore my worry or because I wasn’t worried. I stayed off of it to combat it. My heart posture in going to the web the first time around wasn’t mere curiosity. It was to feed my worries and anxiety that the Enemy tried to leverage to weaken me. This is not a Biblical heart posture. In fact, it is against what Jesus commands us to do in Matthew 6:25-26:

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

That being said, I am not writing this to say that the almost immediate joy of another baby erased the pain, grief, and worry I faced two months prior. In fact, when I was 27 weeks pregnant with my second baby, now my first son here on Earth, I remember feeling a wave of grief for my first knowing that I was entering the third trimester with my second despite not being able to meet my first.

The fact of the matter is, I have my first child in Heaven and 2 boys here on Earth – they are all the Lord’s, and He had their stories written since the Beginning of Time.

I wanted to lay out when the journey of praying for littles started.

In Part 2, I will delve into what prayer life looks like for and with 4 and 2 year old boys. I am excited to share!

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